I’d thought I’d seen just about all the bureaucratic nonsense that could be put to paper until today. You’ve got to read this piece out of Florida. “City adopts new dress code requiring workers to wear underwear, deodorant”. Now this may sound a bit odd, but we upstaters were pretty much aware of this already and did not need a dress code outlining the need for underwear. I guess we upstaters have to take the bull by the horns and outline for all y’all how to dress for success…
Top ten rules to dress by:
10. Ball hat brim goes to the front, not the rear or sideways.
9. Underwear is worn “under” your outer clothes; hence the name “underwear”.
8. T-Shirts are worn with the tag in the back inside the shirt.
7. Pants are worn about the waist, not your knees and those loops are for a belt.
6. I don’t need to see your crack, thong or underwear at any time in public.
5. No socks with sandals; even if you are Canadian.
4. White socks with sneakers or none at all.
3. Belly-buttons should under a shirt especially if you weigh 400 pounds.
3a. At no time is a 400 pound pierced belly button considered sexy or cute.
2. Tube tops are not considered an evening gown accessory.
1. Spandex should never be worn by anyone over 3 years old.
I think we’ve cleared that up now. I guess it does kind of make sense they needed to write that dress code for the Floridians because you can’t get any further downstate than Florida, right?
Checkin’ the map….