Friday, March 20, 2009

I'm not going to make it...Is it Trout season yet?

Oh come on already...It's only March 20? (Note to self: kill that stupid PA woodchuck, cook same....)

OK, It's time to rename the seasons. I've given this some real thought as of late because if you talk to Upstaters we've only got two seasons; Winter and Construction. If you go with the conventional-historical calendar/seasons thing you're on a 3 month roller-coaster four times a year until some kind of equinox hits. I propose we make it all simple by renaming the seasons to something of real meaning and something we actually can look forward to..

The New Proposed Seasons- With new and improved work weeks

  1. Fwinter: Occurs from September to April- You give and get gifts every Friday night, snow days occur every Monday- 3.5 day work week.
  2. Sprummer: Fishing and Picnic Season from April to September- Monday's are Bass Tourney days and Friday's are picnic days  and considered official state holidays- this is now a three-day work week.

Now the top ten fine print:

  1. Weddings, operas and ballets can only occur on February 30th of each leap year.
  2. Nice days trump any day at work, go home.
  3. If it's raining or snowing on a weekend you can go to work and bank that day...
  4. Opening day of any fishing, hunting or sport season is a national holiday. ( except Soccer, Polo and Cricket)
  5. Congress, Senate and State Legislatures can only meet 1 day a month and any law they come up with has to be approved by the population.
  6. All government positions will be appointed from a list by civil service list by test. Yes, you'll have to take a test to make laws, apparently campaigns and elections aren't getting the best candidates.
  7. Common Sense will again be common. If it hurts someone else, it's against the law.
  8. If 30% of the population thinks it's stupid, it is. If 70% of the population thinks the 30% are stupid, they are.
  9. It's okay to pray. It's okay not to, look the other way..
  10. If you bring someone to court for something stupid, you lose and you get a wedgie on national tv...

Getting ready for Trout Season!


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