Thursday, January 1, 2009

It's a New Year....

Fresh off of the rack so we've got to polish it up, get it started and give it a shove in the right direction. Last year left in a hurry and didn't leave a briefing or a good-bye nor any instructions on what to do with the next 12 months so we've got to wing it.

I'm thinking I'd like to model the next 12 months into something a little easier on everyone's attitude and blood pressure. We'll change a few things around, put new rubber on some old ideas and break the mold on things that haven't worked in years past. It's an upstate thing we call common sense. "Common Sense" is actually an oxymoron; it's neither common or sensible.

Time for another top ten "Common Sense" for the "Common Good" list.

To enjoy a really peaceful year:

10. We don't care about what cause-de-jour you believe in or what you do in the bathroom, bedroom, garage or basement as long as I don't have to hear about it at anytime. I do not want to see you protesting about things that everyone used to consider a private matter and didn't discuss. If you have that much time to dedicate to a cause you obviously don't have gainful employment.

9. Any network who airs a "Reality Show" shall have their CEO quartered, drawn and shot. This includes dating, dancing, marriage, survival, terrible actors in rehab or family issues shows. (Note:This excludes "wife swap" as this is not a reality show, it's funnier than hell, my wife hates it, and I can't believe no one on this show has been shot yet. Some of these people need serious therapy).

8. The New York State legislature shall be put in the corner in time-out until they can play together nicely and put the pork back in the refrigerator where it belongs. If you boys and girls in the Capital can't stop fighting I'm stopping the car... Living near the Capital is like living near the County Fair; it's noisy, it stinks, costs too much, parking sucks, someone's always getting arrested and they don't know when to shut up.

7. No more on-line reservations for New York State Parks campsites. If you want one, get there early, register and set up, it's called "walk up". The whole reservation system is unfair and it sucks. Only 1/3 of the sites should be reservation only.

6. It shall be legal to deport anyone, deemed to be in a violent gang, to life in the Antarctic. (See how bad you think you are there when your teeth are chattering. I bet the Penguins kick your sorry butt).

5. Only real dogs shall be seen in public. If your dog is under 5 lbs, shakes constantly, lives in your pocketbook or under your arm, you are beyond weird - seek help. In some countries they have recipes for that critter.

4. SHUT UP and get off the cell phone, get out of the left lane, drive like you have a purpose and don't try to learn to drive in the snow in rush hours. Should you not heed this warning you'll see why we upstater's have grill guards on our SUV's and trucks. It isn't for the deer.

3. In the grocery store, drive your cart like you should your car, STAY TO THE RIGHT and look before you wing that cart around the end of the aisle. (Sorry, personal thing, the cast will be off in a week).

2. Years old gripe: If you're waiting on my table and I get reasonable service, I will always tip you fairly. The better the service, the better the tip. Don't expect 15 % because you've got an outfit on and you showed up to work. If you took 30 minutes to take my order, you're drunk, you ignored my attempts to get your attention or forgot my kid's order, you're not getting a tip. You're getting a hint: TIPS means "To Insure Prompt Service".

1. Take the time to give someone a hand up. You're not that important, that busy or too good to acknowledge another person regardless of their appearance, demeanor or beliefs. We're all flying through space on the same ball of rock and in the grand scheme of things it's pretty remarkable that we are. Make it nicer for each other this year.



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